Learning how to carry your love and memories while also embracing life again
As we observe Baby Loss Awareness Week (9th-15th October), I want to reach out to parents walking the difficult path of grief after losing a baby. Though this journey is deeply personal and often lonely, please know that you're not alone.
Can We Truly Overcome Grief?
When it comes to grief, particularly the profound loss of a child, many wonder if it's ever possible to truly overcome it. What I've learned is that healing often begins with addressing what Grief specialists call "unresolved grief." This typically involves three key areas:
1. Things we wish we'd said or done differently
2. Unrealised hopes and dreams we had for our child
3. Undelivered emotional communications
The path forward isn't about "getting over" the loss, but rather about finding completeness. This means having the opportunity to express those unsaid words, to be truly heard in our grief, and to find a way to say goodbye to the pain while holding onto the love and precious memories.
Finding Support and Healing
Healing after baby loss often requires a lot of emotional support. Some ways that have helped parents cope include:
Connecting with understanding friends and community members
Joining grief support groups with others who've experienced similar losses
Working with Grief specialists who can guide you through proven healing methods
Finding comfort in mindful and/or spiritual practices.
Turning Pain into Purpose
One of the most profound ways many parents have found healing is by transforming their pain into purpose. This might look different for each person, but some examples include:
Starting support groups or foundations to help other bereaved parents
Creating podcasts or blogs to share journeys and connect with others
Organising events where grieving parents can find community
For instance, the My Little Warrior Child Foundation which I founded after my baby boy Morakinyo Caleb died, was created to provide bereaved parents with a weekend retreat to pause, reflect, and receive support.
At each retreat we remind ourselves that while there may not be a name for parents who've lost a child (like "widow" or "orphan"), there is a community of understanding hearts ready to walk alongside you.
Moving Forward While Holding Space for Grief
Remember, moving forward doesn't mean forgetting. It's about finding a way to carry your love and memories while also embracing life again.
For those currently in the depths of grief, consider these strategies:
Allowing yourself compassion, grace and time to heal emotionally
Seek guidance and support from grief specialists or join support groups designed for parents experiencing loss
Being open to finding new purpose through your experience, when you're ready
To every parent burdened with the weight of baby loss, know that your grief is valid. Your baby's life, no matter their age, holds significance, and your love for them continues beyond their time.
While the journey of healing isn't linear and looks different for everyone, please know that support is available. Whether through professional Grief Support programs, community support, or connecting with other bereaved parents, you don't have to walk this path alone.
If you're seeking support, consider reaching out to one of our skilled grief specialists, including myself. We are here to guide you through this journey and provide the support you need. Know that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a courageous step toward your healing process.
About Detola
Detola Amure is a Productivity & Women Leadership Transformational Coach. Detola is passionate about helping people recover from their emotional losses so that they can be better leaders and communicators. You can learn more about Detola here.
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