Recognising 'setbacks' as a natural part of your grieving
The loss of someone close is a profound and deeply personal experience, which doesn't simply fade away once the formal rituals of mourning are complete. Instead, it becomes a constant companion, ebbing and flowing through our lives, revealing itself in unexpected moments and evolving as we learn to navigate a world without them.
This recurring nature of grief is entirely normal and expected. Rather than resisting these waves of emotion, it's important to understand and accept them as part of our healing journey. Remember, healing is not linear, and it's okay to have both good days and challenging ones.
In British culture, we often feel pressured to 'keep a stiff upper lip' and move on quickly after a loss - gladly, this is beginning to change. However, it's crucial to recognise that grief doesn't adhere to a timetable.
You might find yourself overwhelmed with sadness on ordinary days, like when you hear their favourite song on the radio or pass by their favourite pub. These moments are not setbacks; they're natural parts of grieving.
Acknowledging the Pain
When facing grief, take the time to acknowledge the hurt and pain that comes with it. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it is okay to feel the emotions that come with it. Allow yourself to sit with these emotions, even if they are uncomfortable.
As we’ve said, grief can come in waves, hitting you unexpectedly months or even years after the loss. You might find yourself tearing up at a family gathering or feeling a pang of sadness when you see your loved one's favourite biscuits in the supermarket. These moments, while difficult, are normal and try to be patient with yourself.
Allowing Yourself to Feel Grief
Acknowledging your emotions is an important step in the healing process. It is important to allow yourself to feel grief, rather than pushing your feelings down, as part of your emotional response.
While society often encourages us to maintain composure, it's crucial to understand that expressing grief is not a sign of weakness. Each person's grief journey is unique, and there's no "correct" way to feel.
You might experience a wide range of emotions, from profound sadness to unexpected joy when remembering happy memories. Some days, you may feel numb or disconnected, while on others, the intensity of your emotions might catch you off guard.
Embracing your emotional reactions, rather than judging or suppressing them, can lead to more authentic healing. Remember, allowing yourself to fully experience grief doesn't mean you're dwelling on the past; instead, it's a vital part of integrating your loss into your life's narrative and finding a way forward.
Creating a Safe Space
Sharing your feelings with trusted loved ones can provide comfort and solace during times of grief. It is important to lean on those who care about you and are willing to listen without judgement.
Try to establish an environment of trust and understanding. This safe space allows for open expression of emotions without fear of judgement or unsolicited advice. Consider setting ground rules for these conversations, such as agreeing to listen actively without interrupting, and avoiding phrases like "I know how you feel" or "You should just move on." Instead, encourage empathetic responses and validate each other's feelings.
This safe space isn't limited to physical locations; it can be created in phone calls, video chats, or even in written correspondence. The key is to foster an atmosphere where vulnerability is welcomed and respected.
Seeking Support from Others
Joining support groups can also be beneficial, as they provide a space for shared experiences and understanding. Seeking support from others can help you feel less alone in your grief journey.
While personal support networks are invaluable, professional help can also play a crucial role in navigating grief. Consider reaching out to grief counsellors or therapists who specialise in bereavement. These professionals can offer tools and strategies to cope with complex emotions and provide an objective perspective on your grieving process.
Additionally, many hospices and healthcare providers offer bereavement services, including one-on-one counselling and group therapy sessions. Remember, seeking support is not a sign of weakness, but a courageous step towards healing.
Practising Self-Compassion
When experiencing grief, it is important to acknowledge your emotions without judgement. Practice kindness and understanding towards yourself, as you navigate through the pain of loss. It is essential to not expect too much of yourself during this time, as grief can be overwhelming and exhausting.
Give yourself some space and try to avoid giving yourself a hard time if you can't muster the energy to attend the neighbourhood fête or if you need to take a mental health day from work. By practising self-compassion, you are giving yourself the space to heal and grow from your experiences.
Your Grief Journey is Unique to You
Navigating the journey of grief is a deeply personal and often challenging experience. As mentioned, grief is not a linear process with a clear endpoint, but rather an ongoing journey that ebbs and flows over time.
By acknowledging our pain, allowing ourselves to feel, creating safe spaces for expression, seeking support from others, and practising self-compassion, we can learn to live with our loss in a healthy way.
Remember, there's no 'right' way to grieve, and healing takes time. Be patient with yourself as you navigate your grief journey. While the pain of loss may never completely disappear, with time and support, you can find ways to honour your loved one's memory while navigating the new normal in your own life.
If you would like to speak to someone, you can look through our directory of grief specialists here, who offer an array of professional support, including grief coaches, therapists and specialists with a wealth of expertise and shared life experiences.
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