Guiding a child through grief with patience, honesty, and compassion
Supporting a child who has lost a grandparent can be a delicate and emotional process. Our three grandchildren are our world—they make our hearts sing, and we love them unconditionally. Writing this felt strange because it is difficult to think about the inevitable.
However, it is important to acknowledge these difficult topics, so this is for whoever may need to read it today.
Understanding Children's Grief
The death of a grandparent can be an incredibly challenging and confusing experience for a child. Grandparents often play a special role in a child’s life, offering love, wisdom, and a connection to family history.
When a grandparent dies, it may leave a child feeling lost, sad, or anxious, especially if it is their first encounter with death. Knowing how to support a grieving child can be difficult. Unlike adults, children may lack the words or emotional tools to process loss, making their grief unique and sometimes hard to navigate.
However, with patience, empathy, and guidance, you can help a child cope in a healthy way.
How Children Express Grief
Children express grief in different ways. Some cry, while others may become quiet or withdrawn. They might also show sadness through anger or frustration. Acknowledging their emotions without judgement is essential.
Being honest is important, using age-appropriate language to explain what has happened.
Communicating About Death
It is best to avoid phrases like “Grandma went to sleep and won’t wake up,” as they can create confusion and fear about going to sleep themselves. Instead, being clear and direct about the finality of death is more helpful.
Encourage them to talk about their feelings and reassure them that it is okay to be sad, angry, or confused. Inviting them to share memories or their favourite moments with their grandparent can also be beneficial.
Creating a Safe Space for Emotions
It is natural to want to protect a child from sadness, but acknowledging grief will help to normalise it. Some children may worry that showing emotion will upset the adults around them, so they need a safe, non-judgemental space to express themselves.
Patience and understanding are key. Some children may want to talk about their grandparent often, while others may prefer to stay busy or avoid the topic. Allowing them to grieve in their own way is important.
Encouraging creative outlets such as drawing pictures, making memory boxes, or expressing emotions through art, music, or play can also be helpful.
Handling Difficult Questions
Children may ask difficult questions, such as, “Why did they die?” or “Where did they go?” Answer honestly while being mindful of their age and emotional needs. Providing simple, age-appropriate explanations such as, “Sometimes people get very poorly, and their bodies can’t get better,” is a good approach.
If you do not have an answer, it is okay to admit it. Letting a child know that uncertainty is part of life and that questions can be explored together is reassuring.
Maintaining Routine and Comfort
A sense of normality can provide comfort during times of loss. Keeping daily routines such as meals, school, and bedtime can help a child feel more secure while they process their grief. Maintaining as much normality as possible helps to create a sense of security.
Offering physical comfort through hugs, a favourite blanket, or a comforting bedtime story can also provide emotional support.
Preserving Memories
Finding a meaningful way to remember a grandparent can help a child cope with loss. Memorial activities reinforce the idea that their grandparent’s memory and love continue.
Encouraging a child to collect photos, letters, or special mementos in a scrapbook or keepsake box is a wonderful way to cherish memories. Planting a tree or flower can serve as a lasting tribute and provide comfort.
Celebrating their grandparent’s life through sharing stories, playing their favourite songs, or cooking their favourite meal keeps their memory alive.
Leading by Example
Children learn how to grieve by watching the adults around them. Demonstrating that it is okay to express sadness and loss helps normalise grief and provides them with a framework for coping.
Being open about emotions, showing that it is okay to cry and talk about grief, and demonstrating that seeking support is a healthy response to loss are all important.
Sharing memories and keeping a grandparent’s legacy alive through storytelling and reminiscing helps children understand that grieving does not mean forgetting.
Encouraging open conversations and reassuring them that they are surrounded by love and support can make a real difference. By guiding a child through grief with patience, honesty, and compassion, you can help them process their emotions in a healthy way.
If you would like further support or guidance, please reach out—we are here to help.
About Jill
Jill Attree is a grief and loss specialist based in Poole, Dorset, who helps people find happiness after experiencing devastating losses like bereavement, divorce, abuse, miscarriage, and other life challenges. Jill is qualified in supporting others through their grief journeys via one-on-one support, workshops, and speaking engagements. You can learn more about Jill here.