It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve
“I don’t know if I can cope with what will get stirred up.”
"I don't know where to start."
"I don't have time."
"I don’t have the money.”
These are familiar excuses we grief specialists hear all the time. And when we hear them, what we really hear you saying is, "I'm afraid that I won't succeed." However, you'll never get to where you truly want to be if you continue to make excuses.
Instead, start thinking about solutions. Be brave and take the first step.
Here are the 5 biggest excuses people make when it comes to handling grief:
1) “I don't want to burden others with my grief.”
Isolating yourself will not help. You don’t need to talk to anyone and everyone about your grief. However, it’s important to talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling. They can offer support and understanding. Sometimes you may need to get professional help. Remember, you don’t have to struggle alone.
2️) “I don't want to think about the past.”
It can be tempting to suppress your grief and facing your emotions head-on can be difficult, but it's important to do so in order to heal. Grief is not only negative, it is cumulative and it doesn’t just go away with time. Since you will have to deal with this sooner or later, save yourself years of pain and get help sooner.
3️) “I'm afraid of getting worse.”
Sometimes the fear of too many emotions being stirred up stops you from getting the help that you need. Grief is a process, and it's normal to feel up and down. Imagine if you have a blocked toilet and you avoid dealing with it. The situation is likely to get worse, not better!
If you're feeling overwhelmed, seek professional help. My Handling Grief 1:1 Programme is designed to take you step by step through a practical action based programme. You also learn how to develop a Moving Forward Mindset and learn the Grief Emotions Toolkit to help learn how to develop and maintain a resourceful state.
4️) “I should be over it by now.”
There is no timeline for grief. Everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own unique way. Comparisons are unhelpful. With the right knowledge, tools, and processes, it is possible to speed up the process of moving forward and getting your life back.
5️) “I'm afraid of forgetting my loved one.”
You'll never forget your loved one, but you can learn to live with their loss. Resolving the unfinished business, talking about them, sharing memories and creating new traditions can help you keep their memory alive.
Getting The Grief Support You Need
It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What matters is that you find healthy ways to cope with your loss. If you're struggling to handle your grief, don't be afraid to reach out for help.
Seeking professional or group support can offer valuable coping strategies and tools to navigate the challenging grief journey. Getting the grief support you need will start you on your journey to healing, growing, and gradually rebuilding your life in a healthier and more meaningful way.
So, be honest: what's really holding you back?
About Ghulam
Ghulam Fernandes is a Edu-Therapist Grief Specialist who teaches a practical action-based step-by-step process that equips clients with the life skills to regain your peace, passion for life, productivity, and purpose. You can learn more about Ghulam here.
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