Self care gives you the best chance of finding a way forward
Grief is an overwhelming experience that can shake us to our core. When someone close to us dies, it changes everything, seemingly forever, leaving us struggling to find our footing.
Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions about self care during the grieving process. Some people believe that taking time for themselves is selfish or indulgent when they should be focusing on their loss or supporting other grieving family members.
Others feel pressured by society to "stay strong" or "move on quickly," as if there's a timeline for healing from such a profound loss.
The Importance of Self Care in Grief
Misconceptions like "stay strong and keep going" can hinder the healing process. Self care is not selfish; it's essential. Here’s why: When we're grieving, we need our strength more than ever.
We need to maintain our physical and mental health to navigate the complex emotions and challenges that come with loss. Self care provides us with the energy and resilience to face each day, to process our grief, and to slowly begin rebuilding our lives.
Self Care: A Foundation for Healthy Grieving
Self care plays a crucial role in healthy grieving. It allows us the space and energy to process our emotions fully. Grief is hard work, emotionally and physically. Without proper self care, we risk burnout and prolonged suffering.
By taking care of ourselves, we create a stable foundation from which we can safely explore our grief, and gradually find ways to move forward while keeping our loved one's memory alive.
Remembering Your Loved One Through Self Care
Self care can also be an ideal way to honour the memory of your loved one. Think about it: would your departed loved one want you to neglect yourself? Most likely, they would want you to take care of yourself, just as they cared for you when they were alive.
By nurturing yourself, you're carrying forward their love and continuing their legacy of care.
The Oxygen Mask Principle in Grief
You may be familiar with the "oxygen mask principle". On an aeroplane, we're instructed to put on our own oxygen mask before helping others. The same applies in grief. By taking care of ourselves first, we become better equipped to support others who are also grieving.
This is particularly important for those who find themselves in a caretaker role for children or other family members during this difficult time.
Overcoming Guilt in Self Care
One of the most challenging aspects of self care during grief is overcoming the guilt that often accompanies it. This is usually experienced as feeling guilty for engaging in activities that bring you comfort or joy, as if you're somehow abandoning your loved one or your grief.
But healing doesn't mean forgetting. Taking care of yourself doesn't diminish your love for the person you've lost or the significance of your loss. Instead, it honours their memory by ensuring that you can continue living in a way that would make them proud.
The benefits of self care during grief extend far beyond the immediate mourning period. By developing healthy coping mechanisms and building resilience, you're better preparing yourself for future challenges.
Self Care and Meaning-Making
Self care also creates space for meaning-making, which is a crucial part of the grieving process. As you take time for reflection and self-nurturing, you may find new ways to honour your loved one's legacy or discover renewed purpose in your own life.
This doesn't happen overnight, of course, but by consistently prioritising your well-being, you create the conditions for these insights to emerge.
Self Care and Grief Care
It's important to understand that self care and grief work are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they complement each other very well. The energy and clarity you gain from self care support the emotional work of mourning, allowing you to engage more fully with your grief when you need to.
It's about finding a balance – giving yourself permission to rest and recharge, while also allowing yourself to feel and process your loss. Keep in mind that grief is a journey, often long and always deeply personal. By taking care of yourself along the way, you're not avoiding your grief but rather giving yourself the strength to face it.
Practical Approaches to Self Care in Grief
Try practising approaching yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend who's grieving. Allow yourself the grace to rest when you need it, to seek joy when it presents itself, and to prioritise your well-being without guilt.
Remember, healing from loss doesn't follow a straight line. There will be good days and bad days, steps forward and steps back. Through it all, let self care be your constant companion, supporting you as you navigate this difficult terrain.
Self care doesn't erase the pain, but it does provide the strength to bear it. It doesn't speed up grief, but it does make the journey more manageable. And most importantly, it doesn't dishonour your loved one – it celebrates the care they had for you by extending that care to yourself.
As you move forward in your grief journey, embrace self care not as an indulgence, but as a necessary and loving tribute to both yourself and the person you've lost. In doing so, you honour their memory and give yourself the best chance at healing and finding a way forward, always carrying their love with you.
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